Thanks, guys, for getting me to focus on this...
The static charges began when I switched from one of those dense gym mats we used back in high school to a new one with a synthetic fabric covering, even before I began running a DEhumidifier, and they stopped when I got this new MBP, so I guess it's somehow Apple's doing.
Grounding is such a BASIC design concept that I'm surprised it could be improved upon...or even have needed improvement in the first place.
