Looking forward to more.
I will await your grand wisdom.
Preliminary wisdom: Break your MBP in half, give the guts back to Apple and the screen to your ISP, and adopt your letter carrier.
More later.
 And I hear that your letter carrier is both a pretty nice person and needs a home.
Following up on my response to joemike, I'm kinda hamstrung.
In your
home library folder, do you see ~/Library/Containers/com.apple.mail?
Under any circumstances, though, please open the plist on your desktop in TextEdit, and, unless it's enormous like I described to joemike, copy & paste its contents into a post. (You'll probably be asked to select an app when you double click on the plist, so navigate to /Apps
in the dialog box and select TextEdit.)
You may be stuck for a fix other than upgrading, but I haven't got a clue why it may be the case.
(A major part of the problem with troubleshooting vintage OSs is that we can't access them.)