Okay, now I understand. I have had a few apps that can synch between the iPhone, iPad, and Mac when they are on the same LAN. Most of those apps have transitioned to synching with iCloud, and thereby synching the data on all my iOS and OS X devices. If I understand the recent product announcements from Apple, their intent is to extend the iCloud link so that it becomes essentially another drive on the Mac and by extension iOS devices for virtually all inter-device communications. But as far as direct communication between the Mac and the iPhone and/or iPad goes I am not aware of anything except iTunes via USB but not Bluetooth or I/R.
Adding OS X Server to your Mac and setting up a VPN (Virtual Private Network) and installing a VPN client on your iOS device
might give you some of what you want. Unfortunately, most of the VPN apps for the iPhone and iPad are written only to link to their server, so it would take some research that would enable you to connect to your own VPN server.
If all you want to do is control your Mac from your iOS device there are several clients and servers applications that might do the job for you. GoToMyPC has a good reputation and is available in the App Store.
