Home Forums FineTunedMac Community Lounge Google...Enough already!!!

Hello! Is this Gordon's Pizza?

No sir, it's Google Pizza.

I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.

No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.

OK. I would like to order a pizza.

Do you want your usual, sir?

My usual? You know me?

According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meat balls on a thick crust.

OK! That’s what I want …

May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten free thin crust?

What? I detest vegetables.

Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

How the Hell do you know?

Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.

Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly.
According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drugsale Network, 4 months ago.

I bought more from another drugstore.

That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.

I paid in cash.

But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

I have other sources of cash.

That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.

WHAT THE HELL?!?!?

I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others.
I'm going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch or spy on me.

I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago.

Indeed.

That would be true in the good ole USA. But north of the 49th ... not so much.

And I'll confess it's not original. A friend sent it with the Subject Line "Your wry daily smile". Wry, indeed.

Another reason I no longer use Google search.

Interesting....who do you use?

DuckDuckGo — it took some getting used to but I find I get reliable results without the paid rankings and even better no tracking!

I've been using DuckDuckGo, too. I don't know how secure its VPN offering is, but it's useful when I want to spoof my address for American sports and television sites.

I don't know about no tracking: if I go on Amazon and have a look at some product, that product pops up almost immediately in an advertising space on The Evening Standard site. It's a bit unnerving. I'd hate to think you have to use private browsing and a VPN just to shop on Amazon.