Home Forums FineTunedMac Community Lounge ....about those games

"I am selling my husband. He enjoys eating and playing video games all day. Easy to maintain, just feed and water every 3-5 hours. Future home must have Internet and space for gaming. If acceptable, replacement is offered, will trade."

An ad by Utah resident Alyse Baddley, who is selling her video game-addicted husband on Craigslist

If she's a Mormon, she could have another husband and use the present one for a paper weight or store him on top of the garbage bin to keep wild creatures out.
[As a balance for Bountiful, ryck.]

Seems to me that a lot of relationship problems can be avoided through careful partner selection. (I dig geek gamer women, for instance.)

....and a large dose of ongoing mutual respect. I suspect the lady wanting to sell her husband figures she's not getting it.

Well, that's kind of the bugger, isn't it? Everyone who talks about "respect," in my observation, believes himself or herself to be on the giving end of it but not so much on the receiving end of it.

Respect is kind of a slippery thing, sort of like "freedom." Everyone thinks they know what it means, but if you actually get 'round to asking folks for the specifics, few people actually agree what it means.

For example, I think that a basic part of respecting someone is not to try to change who that person is. If you keep finding problems with the folks you're involved with, seems to me the problem is in the picker you're using to choose partners, rather than in the other people, y'know? If someone doesn't like gamers (or smokers or hunters or meat-eaters or bowlers or late-night party goers or workaholics or...), then it seems to me the solution is "don't date gamers" (or whatever) rather than "date gamers and then expect them to change to match your preferences."

So I agree that it's about respect, though I suspect you and I may have some differences as to what that term means...

Of course, I also feel like if you get involved in a relationship with someone, fall in love with that person, and then the relationship doesn't work out for whatever reason, the best thing to do is often to acknowledge that you're not suited to be romantic partners, end the relationship, and figure out how to build a friendship that honors the connection and love you share without whatever problems prevent you from being good relationship partners. Seems like a lot of unhappiness can be avoided that way, I reckon.

I suppose that's where the 'holders-on' run into problems, and attempt to have their pie and eat it too by foisting the onus (read: responsibility) on the other party.

Way back in the '50s (and oft repeated ever since), Ann Landers gave the advice (slightly paraphrased) that if you think you're going to change someone after you marry him/her, think again. What you see is what you get.

Of course, for men, marriage means never having to make another decision (grâce à John Wing).

Here's a fundamental difference between marital expectations of men and women:

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change. She will.
A woman marries a man expecting that he will change. He won't.

Of course, the reality is a bit more complicated: People will change. It's inevitable. They just won't change in the way that we want or expect them to.

In addition to careful partner selection, flexibility is another powerful tool in the relationship toolkit, seems to me. Flexibility in one's expectations of the other person(s) to be sure, but also flexibility in the form the relationship takes--the ability to say "Look, this relationship isn't working, let's change it to something that does work" is surprisingly effective.

Actually, I don't think we'd disagree too much. The word "respect" is easily expanded into components like trust, patience, allowing someone to be who they are....et cetera....and without such things longevity in a relationship is impossible.


And then there's the option suggested by folks on The Virgin Diaries. Also, papers today were running a story about four virgins looking for "....some good men for marriage and "holy" sex."

Over the years I think I've blurted out Holy Moly, Holy Mackerel and maybe even Holy Toledo.....but somehow I don't think that's what they mean.

Dear God. I may never be able to get that image out of my head for the rest of my life. I believe that's the single most awkward thing I've seen since Colin Powell waved fake vials of anthrax around in the Senate trying to explain why we were invading Iraq.

Seriously, what's the deal with virginity? When I get into an airplane, I don't want a pilot who's never flown before. I don't want to go into a hospital and deal with a surgeon who's never operated before. And I sure don't want a woman in my bed who doesn't know what she wants and what she likes!

Okay, that's a bit tongue in cheek, but there's some truth to it. Sex and relationship skills are both learned, and it hardly seems realistic to try to learn them in the middle of what's supposed to be a permanent, lifelong commitment. A bit like learning skydiving by jumping off a cliff and packing the parachute on the way down, seems to me.