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You are correct. The person doing the tracking indicates they want to track the other person, then Apple's tracking server contacts the other person, and no tracking takes place until the other person indicates their agreement to be tracked.

The OP's situation is he can track his wife's iPhone using his iPad or Mac, but not on his iPhone. Which would seem to imply Apple's tracking server doesn't recognize the link between those specific devices.

ryck You might try toggling location sharing off on her iPhone, giving that several minutes to "settle" in the tracking server, then turning it back on.
If that does not work, I have questions...

1. In FindMy, on your iPhone, if you select Persons instead of Devices, do you see your wife's location?
2. Am I correct your wife's Apple ID is a "child" of your Apple account or vice versa?
3. Were the FindMy links between your iPhones set up and the same time and in the same way on your other devices?
4. Have you shut down and restarted your iPhone?

I have no idea what might have happened to the Photos Library unless it was inadvertently moved rather than copied when you were copying all the files to the thumb Drive.

1. The default location for the Photos Library is, and has been for decades, ~/Pictures/Photos Library. If, for some reason, yours has been moved, a Spotlight search for the file extension
   Code

   .photoslibrary

   (the leading dot in the search argument is important) should find it, even if the filename has been changed. If Photos Library is not present on your drive, this would be an opportune time to try out the Time Machine restore Procedure.
2. If, in System Settings > Your Apple ID > iCloud, Photos is ON, the Photos Library with full, not device optimized images, is also on iCloud.

FOOTNOTE:

In iPhoto the "Library" file was an index to individual image files in a separate folder. In Photos the .photoslibrary is a MiniSQL[align:right][/align] database and the images are records within that database.

I updated Photoshop CC to the latest version and it would not open (there was a warning that it might not be compatible with my OS). The previous version seemed to be OK so I accessed How to install previous versions of your Creative Cloud apps. The reversion to the previous version was a piece of cake and all is well. I have read many complaints about Adobe but I salute them for making this process very easy.